As mentioned earlier in despatches, our Captain and Social secretary (Mike Suffield) is undertaking a slimathon (not for the first time, but hopefully the last) in the hope of acheiving the following transformation:

Before	After

Unfortunately rather than using the miracles of digital photography, he's going to have to do it the hard way, by eating less and exercising more. He has promised keep off the lager and scratchings (well, the scratchings anyway!) until the start of next year's tour, when his final weight will be measured and his sponsorship (you have sponsored him, haven't you?) will be collected.

Latest statistics from Flabwatch Centre:

Based on the current rate of shrinkage, he should be down to a trim(mer) 100kg or so (around 16st and a few pounds) in time for next year's tour.

Although it's unconfirmed at present, rumours persist that a healthy sponsorship will be contingent on getting an early season bat or bowl rather then fielding at third man both ends - you have been warned...

STOP PRESS

At the final pre-tour weigh-in, Mike tipped the scales at 16st dead - an overall loss of 51lb. I'll print the following email in full (and you can let your conscience or Judge Jolly decide on the scale of your indebtedness!)

Paul

My ‘final’ weight (for accounting purposes) was exactly 16 stone 0 lbs this morning.

That is a loss of 3st 9lbs or 51lbs.

Having taken a look at the sponsorship list for the first time this year, I now realise how important it was that I got down to 16st. I would like to point out that that is absolutely, genuinely, honestly my exact weight this morning and I haven’t fiddled a couple of pounds to make what appears to be a cash trigger-point!!

Herewith my debtors:

Nathan Haynes £1 per pound

Richard Johnson 50p p/p

Simon Clark 50p p/p

Simon Hawkins 50p p/p

Chris O’Reilly £50 under 16st

Tim Jolly 50p p/p

Paul Henderson 50p p/p

Sandy Peirson £100

Richard Jones “£50 at least if you lose 4 stone”

Peter Romyn £7.50 per stone

Paul Johnstone 75p p/p

Martin Lusby “1st: £25, 2st: £50, 3st £75, 4st £100”

Chris Prince £50 at 16st

Mike Ireland £5 per stone

Peter Fisher £1 p/p

James Beaven 50p p/p

So: (and I think the Judge needs to get involved here to rule harshly on some delicate financial matters):

Nathan £51.00

Rich Johnson £25.50

Simon Clark £25.50

Simon Hawkins £25.50

Chris O’Reilly £50 under 16st

Well now. Does that mean nothing? If it does, then I’m 15st 13lbs. I suggest he can either pay up or the Judge fines him £51.00 for being a f*cking smart-ass.

Tim Jolly £25.50

Paul Henderson £25.50

Sandy Peirson £100 (v generous)

Richard Jones “£50 at least if you lose 4 stone”

See the Chris O’Reilly point.